Dross

The air conditioning unit was humming in the background and I was leaning up against a wall talking to a friend. I was a teenager at the time, yet somehow I remember that conversation. Perhaps because it was the first time I had articulated aloud the thoughts that had begun to positively govern my actions. For a while these thoughts would characterize me.

Yet, somehow in the midst of all that life brings, I stowed these thoughts in a dusty closet in my mind, only to be brought out to answer questions of belief. This seemingly harmless bit of amnesia caused me problems as I lost what had been a purposeful way of perceiving life.

I was recently sitting in a service at church and something the pastor said brought back these memories.

The monologue given by my teenage self went something like this:

We’ve been through a lot as a family. There have been so many times when all we could do is trust God. But He was always there. I can already look back on lots of the hard things I have been through and I can see what good things have come from it. What God has taught me and how He has changed me. Lately, it’s been better. Because when something bad or hard or whatever happens now, I start asking God to help me learn whatever it is he wants me to learn. I tell Him I know He is doing something through this, so I ask for His help and look to Him to see what He will do through it.

As this all came rushing back into my brain, complete with the memory of the ambient noise, I was forced to examine my heart. What happened? How could I forget this? I remember the joy that I was able to retain in difficult situations because of looking to the Lord for His purpose.  It’s not that I have never done this in the time since, but rather that it is no longer the first thing that comes to mind when a struggle arrives.  The habit has faded.

We sang “How Firm a Foundation” at our church gathering recently and the last two lines of this verse stood up and addressed me specifically:

“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,

My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;

The flame shall not harm thee; I only design

Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.”

 That was it. It suddenly washed over me anew the remembrance that God is refining us for His glory. He is taking something tarnished and making it pure. Do I truly desire to cling to all the foul, sinful parts of me simply to retain a comfort that is fleeting? Through struggles and trials He is removing the nasty bits of me and if I hang onto Him I shall indeed make it through. I haven’t met anyone yet that enjoys facing a trial, but the truth is that life is going to be difficult regardless. What a blessing it is to know that my God can use the struggles of this life for His good purposes. I’m attempting to again make it a habit to immediately thank God that He knows what He is doing when trials strike. Peace rushes in so much faster.

                “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

(1 Peter 1:6-9 ESV)